While I was out at a craft store today, I had a revelation. I walked through the automatic doors, my eyes adjusting to the light, and my heart soared: it's HALLOWEEN TIME! It's really freakish how much I love this holiday. I joke that it's one of the few times a year that I feel normal, but in my line of study (Gothic Literature, gender in the horror film) it's rare for anyone to share your love of creepy stuff. Halloween is a validation for me, in a way. And makes me do a happy jig dance when the Halloween Express opens nearby (and yes, I have already been there).
I got this list from a Facebook Group I belong to of the same name. I dedicate it to all those people who celebrate Halloween every day and love it as much as I do. Enjoy!
P.S. Joann Fabrics has scrapbooking paper on sale! Sorry, I get excited about these things.
You Know You're a Horror Geek When...
- believe the gore the merrier
- have ever been mistaken for a Satanist.
- root for the mutant family in "The Hills Have Eyes."
- laugh during "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre."
- cry while watching "It's Alive."
- believe Rob Zombie is a great director.
- prefer slow, shambling zombies over the fast ones.
- hate CGI.
- refer to classic films as the original so people don't think you're talking about the remake.
- detest the rating "PG-13."
- have seen any of the movies Peter Jackson directed before "Lord of the Rings."
- hope that Steven Spielberg stops with the Oscar contenders and returns to stuff like "Jaws."
- die inside every time another remake is announced.
- can't get enough of "The Stuff."
- go out of your way to watch anything that might have Bruce Campbell in it.
- see any movie based on Stephen King even though you know it's going to suck.
- drooled when "Masters of Horror" was announced.
- argue that Tobe Hooper, not Steven Spielberg, directed "Poltergeist."
- have seen Christopher Lee in a drag.
- watch "From Dusk till Dawn" for Tom Savini instead of George Clooney.
- try to get people to admit that "The Silence of the Lambs" and "Seven" are horror flicks.
- randomly say "BRAINS!"
- get pissed when all channels play Christmas movies instead of scary movies on Halloween.
- believe that "Van Helsing" ruined the classic monsters.
- ever yelled for any reason at the screen "Just Kill that Bitch!"
- think baby Selwyn is cute.
- know that "28 Days Later" was not the first movie to have running zombies.
- want your enemies' heads to pop like in "Scanners."
- wanted Bill Moseley to get an Oscar nomination for playing Otis in "The Devil's Rejects."
- threaten to suck people's brains dry.
- can explain Chucky's (of the Rugrats) fear of the guy on the oatmeal box.
- know that Chucky's (the doll) real name is Charles Lee Ray.
- import dvd's from Japan.
- read Fangoria.
- hope the makers "Alien vs. Predator" burn in hell for ruining two of your favorite monsters in one movie.
- warn people about hardshell peppercorns.
- know all the slashers and their backstories.
- refer to shotguns as "boomsticks."
- ever wanted to cut off your hand and replace it with a chainsaw
- expand your horizons by watching a David Cronenberg movie.
- have read "The Zombie Survival Guide" and know what to do if the undead should rise.
- run out of the room if someone starts saying Candyman into the mirror.
- believe all the rich people in the world are really aliens that you can only see when you wear special sunglasses.
- can actually understand the plot of "Phantasm."
- know that "Prince of Darkness" beat out "The Davinci Code."
- warn real estate developers about building on Indian burial ground.
- wonder why George Romero couldn't have directed "Resident Evil" the movie.
- are aware that "Re-Animator" provided the world's first visual pun.
- are on the lookout for Dick Miller in a Joe Dante movie.
- know that Klopek is not a Slavic name.
- realize that a tire is not a good hiding spot from a graboid.
- pay to get in and pray to get out.
- will always remember Johnny Depp as the guy who was vomited up in a geyser of guts by Freddy Kruger.
- made nitrous oxide your drug of choice after watching "Blue Velvet."
- have either "The Dead Zone" or "Sleepy Hollow" as your favorite Cristopher Walken movie.
- still can't accept that James Cameron directed "Titanic."
- are aware "The Exorcist" has sequels and not just prequels.
- heard of "I am Legend" before it was a Will Smith movie.
- know what KNB stands for.
- have the right to remain silent... forever.
- must resist the urge to introduce yourself with "Name's Ash. Housewares."
- stick to explored caves because of "The Descent."
- appreciate life so as not to get kidnapped by Jigsaw.
- ever had people look at you funny when you tell them what your favorite movies are.
- debate bipedal versus four-legged werewolves.
- ever asked for a Nixon pardon.
- hope for a zombie apocalypse so you can use what you learned from "The Zombie Survival Guide."
- can explain all the rules of all the vampire movies you've ever seen.
- believe Bruce Campbell does Elvis better than Elvis.
- get angry when someone says they don't like scary movies, but they go see one when everyone's talking about it.
- fondly remember the Video Nasties.
- lecture people about why the infected from "28 Days Later" are not zombies.
- tell people it's lonely being a cannibal because it's tough making friends.
- know which line "Kill Bill" took from "Eaten Alive."
- would rather vampires go for the throat instead of the heart.
- believe "Drag Me to Hell" was Sam Raimi's apology for "Spider-Man 3."
- have dreams that play out like Dario Argento movies.
- can't take Jason Voorhees seriously because he was once killed by Corey Feldman.
- call stupid people Jordy Verrill.
- don't require any assistance understanding the above.
